Grief Lessons

When tragedy hits, the world goes in to chaos. The world spins and it can be hard to make sense of what is going on. Questions are being asked and you aren't sure how answer. You do your best to muddle through until the spinning stops. In the midst of this tailspin, family and friends are your fixed point to look to for help.

James and I are lucky to have extremely supportive friends and family. We both come from big families and most people are local. I wasn't in the hospital ten minutes and a steady stream of family began to pour in. Both of our places of employment sent messages of love and support. James was given all the time he needed. My work organized food for us and support for our staff. Friends we hadn't  spoken to in a long time reached out to let us know they were thinking about us. We are so grateful for all the love. 

However, James and I  both experienced some friendship loss. Its bad enough we lost our daughter, but some people lack understanding. In the midst of grief, I wasn't ready to respond to all the phone calls and messages we received. We were inundated and it took a few weeks to even talk to people who weren't in my immediate support circle. BUT every message was listen to, every card was opened, every message read. Something small meant a lot to us. Most friends understood this. Being around those that have young babies is extremely difficult at this time. I have many friends who either gave birth weeks before me or are expecting soon. It hurts me to think about seeing those littles ones because deep down I am so sad that I don't have my own. 

I'm thankful for the friends who understand my position and allow me to approach conversations and spending time with them at my own speed. However, a friend or two didn't understand this and interpreted it as she was the victim and I was isolating her. Take some perspective, get your head out of your bum and see that it isn't about you. This whole situation is not about you. Rather than scream at other people about your frustrations, take a moment, think, why am I not returning your calls? Maybe because it's too hard for me. I'm jealous. You have what I was supposed to have and it has been shoved in my face. These friends have shown that they can't take perspective, they have no empathy. I have to release. James and I had to let go of some relationships. They say in times like these we discover who our real friends are. It's true. Rather than focus on those relationships we lost, we have been focussing on those relationships that have flourished and grown despite tragedy. We are so thankful for the love we receive everyday. It's like the best and biggest hug!