Someone is Listening

Right after Fi died, I began writing her letters. Talking to her out loud or even in my head seemed too painful, but writing was okay. I would tell her things that I wish I could have said to her face. I asked her questions. I always ended with "I miss you. Please pick out a brother or sister to send down."
I didn't know if she would hear my request but I figured it wouldn't hurt.
After a month or so, I got my voice back and I would sometimes talk to her while I was alone in the house. When I would get really sad or cry, I would imagine her placing her hand on my heart and all the tension would go away. I wasn't always sure if she could hear me, but I kept talking. Someone was bound to listen.
August 19 was the "day of hope." A day to recognize babies that were gone too soon. It was also the 3 month mark of Fi's Angelversary. The night before, I had asked Fi for a message. Boy did I get one! I woke up early and actually posted this on Facebook
    "I find it rather fitting that I woke up at 3 am starving and having to pee. I ate a granola bar and chugged some water and found myself unexplainably awake. It's how I spent most of my 9 months of pregnancy.
Today marks 3 months since we had to say hello and goodbye to our sweet little girl. I honestly never thought I could make it this far. We have taken it one breath at a time with support and hugs from so many.
So, here I am, awake, missing the quiet hours we would spend in the middle of the night, but what a fantastic reminder of her."

After I wrote that, I sat awake, missing being pregnant and asked Fi again to send a brother or sister down. As if on cue, a car went by and it made a reflection of light on the wall that looked like two lines on a pregnancy test. It made me pause and I thought. What the heck, I'll test in the morning.
So, exactly 3 months to the day of her passing, I was holding a positive pregnancy test, crying, saying thank you and pleading at the same time.
Since then, I have had little signs of reassurance as I face some pretty big fears.  I am thankful to have a daughter who listens so well!
I couldn't have asked for better timing. We will be able to face the holidays with hope and joy. And if all goes well, we will be holding our rainbow as we observe Fi's one year Angelversary.
I am so thankful that someone is listening.