After one of our doctors appointments this conversation actually happened.
Me: I can't wait until you can feel this little guy move
James: I can't wait to hold this little guy
Me: True. I can't wait to hear his blood curdling, heart wrenching scream.
James: Yes!
Oh moms, I can feel your eye roll from here. I can hear your "Just you wait." You know what? I truly can't wait. I have had many moms talk about parenting, the hardships, the struggles. You know what? I can't wait! Late nights, no sleep, poopy diapers, worry, fear, anger, frustration. I can't wait! Feeling guilty that I'm not doing a good enough job, or when I have to drop E off at daycare and he cries because he just wants to be home with mom and dad. Bring it. Staying up late, wondering when E is going make it home from his friends house after driving himself. Can't wait. Leaving him off at college to make good choices and pray that we did a decent job raising him. I. Can't. Wait.
As difficult as being a parent will be ( oh, and I can hear your judgement, that I have no idea what I'm getting myself in to.) nothing. NOTHING, can hurt as much as losing your child. Nothing can cause guilt like the feeling that you let your child down. She died. Nothing will keep you up at night like the long list of what ifs and dreams lost. So, when you tell me "Just your wait." I will happily reply'"I can't wait." Because it is true. I have accepted and learned how to parent an angel baby. I'm ready to accept the challenge of parenting an earth baby. (And all it's challenges)
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